Keep Calm and Carry Platitudes on Your Person

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GIGGLE LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL

SWEAR LIKE A SAILOR

EAT LIKE A LUMBERJACK

DRINK LIKE A FISH

TAKE IT LIKE A CHAMP

PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR

FUCK LIKE A WHORE

KNIT LIKE A GRANDMA

GARDEN LIKE WELL LIKE A GRANDMA I GUESS

COOK LIKE MARTHA

OR LIKE JULIA IF BELLY LAUGHING IS MORE YOUR STYLE

BELLY LAUGH LIKE YOU HAVE A BELLY

DON’T HAVE A BELLY BUT COMPLAIN THAT YOU DO EVERYONE LOVES THAT

THOUGH IN HER DEFENSE MARTHA DID GO TO JAIL THAT’S PRETTY BAD ASS

FORGO COMMAS LIKE IT’S FRESH AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT LOGICAL SEQUENCES OF THOUGHT LIKE AN ASSHOLE

COME ON AT LEAST DECORATE LIKE MARTHA

DANCE LIKE EVERYBODY’S WATCHING

FAKE IT LIKE YOU’LL MAKE IT

BCC LIKE A PSYCHOPATH

ACT ENTITLED LIKE YOU’RE A CELEBRITY

WEAR PLAID THIS FALL LIKE YOU LOVE IT

USE CAPS LIKE IT’S IRONIC

MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE LIKE THEY CAN’T TELL

Image via Society6